Houston Legalizes Pot . . .

Potholes that is.

Officials held a news conference today to announce a City-wide campaign called Potholing. While most residents have been aware of the growing number potholes for some time, today the practice became a City ordinance.

“We want every Houstonian to experience the joy of at least one pothole every day.”

“We’ve got two initiatives underway, one is to concentrate potholes on selective streets and the other is more random – we like to call the latter Potholepourri. We have crews working through the night locating brand new potholes in unexpected places just to brighten people’s morning commute.”

Richmond Avenue and Westheimer have been designated as the first Pothole Enterprise Zones. When asked why, the official respond, “we are using the Willie Sutton doctrine: you’ve got to put the potholes where the traffic is.”

The official added, “we also want to share news of an exciting joint effort with the Federal government. Recently they decided to repave what seemed to be long stretches of perfectly smooth pothole-free feeder roads of highway 59 for no apparent reason. The handful of potholes that were discovered will be turned over for our use – sustainability is really the most responsible approach when dealing with such a large-scale endeavor. It’s not every day that we fall into an opportunity like this. The credit for this brilliant idea has to go to Feds and to one individual in particular who, from what we understand, was instrumental in determining the identity of the four pilots of the Korean Airline plane that crashed in California not too long ago.”

“The feedback from area merchants has been very positive. Each time someone stops to inspect the damage to their car from a pothole, he/she invariably has to get coffee or a meal or an iPhone accessory from a nearby business – some are calling it Induced Impulse Shopping. We still do not know how the new ordinance will affect the growing Food Truck phenomenon but we think the impact will be positive.”

“The only group that has been resistant is the cycling community but, of course, we know that with any novel idea education is key. We hope part of next year’s Tour de Houston will be along the new Pothole Trail that is on the drawing boards. Also, further to our collaboration with the Federal government we have asked that they include a link to our website on healthcare.gov.”

As to what is in store for the future: “we have other plans that we cannot share at this time but suffice it to say that we are thinking big and small. However we are realistic – we know that Houston may never be Chicago, but we’re going dig deep and give it our best shot.”

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